too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
