my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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