My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
God I need to hump something, right now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
