Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You are a genius and a whore.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
