mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she looked like the before picture.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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