wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
