I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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