My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
