sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
