I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
