I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
