True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
