I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
