Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
