barbara walters just said penis...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
