Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
