and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
