We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
