Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
