Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
