belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
