Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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