I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
