Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
