Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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