so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
