your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
