I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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