Non-Jews are for practice
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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