I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
True college students do jello shots in the library
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
