Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
