I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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