i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
