The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Damn victory sex feels great
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
