Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
BRING THE BAGELS
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Congratulations! We have a period
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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