kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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