Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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