ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
