Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
