So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
