I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
