I feel great
I just peed on a car
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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