How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
