I think I died a long time ago.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
