the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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