I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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