I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
