I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
