I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
