Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
