fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the day after is always just damage control
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
